The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
