haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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