i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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