well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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