Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
