what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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