You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
