For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
