He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Shame is for Republicans.
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