If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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