Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's shark week go big or go home
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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