He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
