He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she told me i tasted like america
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have aggressive nipples.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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