Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
