She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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