the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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