omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
