she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
