i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
