took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
