since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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