so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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