I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
