Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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