Where did you get a picture of my penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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