i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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