How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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