If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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