im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
