True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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