half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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