Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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