Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
