i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
