Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
