walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
