he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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