i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
