Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
