So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
