Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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