2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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