I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
