My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
