I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
