Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
