Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
