I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
