Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
