Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
