Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
